Why Making Friends Is A Scientific Thing?

The first thing that one needs to accept is that friendship doesn’t happen organically anymore, and a scientific study has revealed that recently. According to, Dr. Marisa G. Franco, a psychologist who studies friendship and is based in Washington, D.C. while speaking to a leading media digital channel said, “The misconceptions about friendship — I think one of the biggest ones is that friendship should happen organically.”

There is a science to attachment as well. It is not just emotions involved here. “Friendship doesn’t really happen organically in adulthood,” would say Franco, a speaker and author of The New York Times bestseller “Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make — and Keep — Friends.”

Even before Covid-19 took over our lives, an epidemic of loneliness had hit America badly. One in five Americans said they were lonely or socially isolated — often negatively affecting their health, relationships or work — according to a 2018 study by the Kaiser Family Foundation.

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Many times, people don’t move to the next level of becoming friends due to a preconceived notion of ‘rejection’. In scientific terms, this is called ‘risk regulation theory’.

However, according to Dr. Franco, making friends in adulthood is different from when you were younger. Here are some pointers to look at when investing in long term friendships:

1. As you grow older, continue to invest in joining groups where people of common interests can be found. This is an excellent way to mix with those who are of your kind.
2. While you may frequent a spot or a place and meet like-minded people there often, it is best to kindle and build of those friendships you want to keep outside such public settings.
3. Don’t increasing the ‘liking gap’ in your mind. The more you think you are not going to be liked, chances are you will not reach out to make friends with other person who might be sharing the same apprehension. According to Dr. Franco, the key is to assume, ‘I am liked or I am likable.’
4. If you are committed to showing up on events and common days with classmates, chances are you are more dependable and therefore make friends faster.
5. Use social media to break the ice. ‘Liking’ someone’s post and following them and then starting a private conversation is a good way to break the ice.

Having expectations is natural, but clinging to them can be a problem, more so if you are looking for everything in one person itself. Give yourself space to go out there, experiment with your feelings and its okay to be hurt once in a while.